Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
