if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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