Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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