And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
