I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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