You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize