dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
