you traded sex for a burrito?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
