I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
