Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize