i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
