I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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