What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
