I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
