Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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