that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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