My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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