Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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