Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
