I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
