Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
