I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
