I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize