so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
