seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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