Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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