Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
