I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just google imaged poop.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize