this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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