why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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