You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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