can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
