i think my mom watched the whole time
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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