I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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