totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
