If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
