just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize