K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
