and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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