Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
