Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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