dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
