I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
