And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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