It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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