spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
