I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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