Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
