Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
