I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
smell my finger.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
