You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
