I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
