i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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