i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
