went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
