her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
