I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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