a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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