I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
