Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
40s are totally the cure
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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