I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
