Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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