i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
