I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm experimenting with sincerity
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
