apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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