he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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