take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
