I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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