Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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