it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
