don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
