the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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