I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
