I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
