so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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