Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
