i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
